What in the world is going on?

  Don't worry.  I won't post everyday.  Just had some thoughts come to me and I wanted to share.  So recently I have taken some time off of work, so I have more time on my hands.  Matthew is facing some big changes and having trouble so being available was more important then money.  Not to say that I am just walking in fields of flowers and laughing and drinking coffee all day.  I am actually a complete mess.  I always doubt myself,  so of course I get nervous with any change.  It has defiantly given me time to spend in my Bible, but I am no way a great stay at home wife or mom.  Just go see the pile of laundry I keep avoiding.  This week I lost my one and only car key for over 4 hours.  I am so thankful for friends who will pick my kids up last minute!

So in my time alone, I have no one to talk to but animals so I pray more and think a lot more.  Last night was a rarity.  We had no where to go.  No major TV shows to watch.  It was odd.  Patrick made a commit on how I got on my phone during commercial breaks, both kids where on electronics and it started to sink in.  We used to play games every night.  Now we watch TV and play on computers or phones more then anything else.

In watching TV and looking on social media can be overwhelming.  I am even having a hard time putting all my thoughts out there. Our world is in a sad place.  Not just morally,which is what so many of faith want to focus on.  I am one of them and trust me, it is in bad shape, but I mean what is really ruling our lives.  I have been listening to Lecrae a lot this week.  He has been very vocal bout all the police violence and racism that has been so viable lately.  He has a song on his latest album called "Welcome to America. "   It  has opened my eyes to so much.  I am not going to get into all that has been going on, just going to say this.  Check the facts before you speak,  don't re post images unless you know they are real.  You will be amazed how great you can make things look with technology.  For those of us Christians, please be careful what you say.  At some point we have become more like the pharisees and a lot less like Jesus.  Some times loving those we don't understand makes the biggest difference. Lastly  stop just complaining about everything and lets try to change this place.  Take family time, not tech time.  Show love and not hatred.  Plus, don't say you will pray for some one then just go on with your day.  Do something and be part of the change. Not part of the judgement.

Ok, let's see if this post actually gets posted.  Of all my faults, being easily distracted is one of my worst.  It is not only in my brain but in all that I do.  I have great intentions of course but there are way to many shiny things,  sick kids, animals and you name it and I am off to another task and thought.  So with that being said forgive me if I jump around in my post.

For the first time in a long time I am seeing some peace.  Mainly in my own life.  If you know me, you know my life is a mess.  I am a control freak.  So peace of mind in my current life is nothing short of a miracle.  Our son Matthew still proves to be a medical mystery.  We have traveled every where trying to get answers.  We have them but reality is it is all a waiting game.  A third surgery looks unavoidable.  We have found out he is Fructose Intolerance.  So no fruit, fructose, high fructose corn syrup, onion powder, and the list goes on and on.  So how do you keep a kid from loosing weight by taking food away?  I have no clue.  None and it shows.  This is just with Matthew.  Poor Cheredith gets my left over time alot but you wouldn't know by her reactions.  When we found out Matthews last surgery had failed and would be traveling to Cleveland, OH, it happened very fast.  She had been so excited to see her favorite band live, finally.  Thousand Foot Krutch, was going to be in town the day we had to leave to make it to his appointment.  When I talked to her about it, she responded, "I just want Matthew better".  Amazing.  What 13 year old says that?

To sum this all up.  I am blessed in my terrible mess.  My kids are great.  They love each other and who could ask for more.  Patrick is still married to me,  he hasn't started looking for a new wife yet.  And my faith in God is better then ever.  I don't have all the answers,  I never will.  I have no idea if I am handling this whole sickness mess right.  I pray, listen for peace and do my best to love others and my family the way the deserve.  So for a control freak to set back and enjoy the ride is a miracle.  This is not to say that some days I will be sad or discouraged, but in the end I have faith.

I am not sure how many times I have sat down to add to my blog.   I have so much to say but it seems like when it comes down to it I guess I'm tired of sharing.   The events of the last few years have been eye opening, live changing and faith building.   I have felt more emotions and found more faith.  I have learned life OFTEN puts more on you then you can handle.  Thats why God is there to help us through.  Just this week my wonderful smart phone presented me with my morning bible verse.  I think I have needed the verse for years but I don't think I would have understood it so well until now.  "THE LORD WILL FIGHT FOR YOU, AND YOU HAVE ONLY TO BE SILENT" EXODUS 14:14.  I know since Matthews first surgery and my brother's death I have definitely been silent.  I had nothing to say and frankly it was hard to see anything but my world falling apart.  I was a working mom of a sick kid and went from being a sister to being an only child.  The amount of hurt I felt was undiscribable.  So to all my family and friends who feel I have fallen of the face of the earth, I am sorry.  I am just being silent and letting my Lord fight for me.

I look forward to my battles I face.  Thanks to my brother I will not wait for the victory to enjoy my fellow warriors.   I count it a blessing to fight this life with so many wonderful people who push through with me.  For now I can see light for my son, altough his stomach will always have issues and his autism will win some battles I wouldn't change him for anything. Instead of getting angry when I hear "He doesn't seem sick."  Or "I dont see autism in him" I will be happy for the victory we have that we are progressing well.  I will no longer wait for things to settle down before letting my daughter go after her dreams of dance again.  I will charish every minute with my husband who has let me hurt and loved me unconditionaly.  I will hold tight to my mom.   She has walked a journey many would have given up, but she fights all the way. Plans dont wait on life to calm down.  People arent always going to be around to finsh the plans we started.   So enjoy everyday, it is truly a gift, a special blessing.

Lessons Learned

It has been a very long time since I have posted anything.  Between Cheredith's cheering, Matthew's recovery and well, life,  I have been so busy.  Today we enjoyed a day as a family just hanging out together.  We drove up to a store on the moutain to look for one of Patrick's favorite treats, Dr. Browns soda.  Up until lately the only place available to get in was in New York or on Amazon.  So a friend told us that a place on Lookout Moutain sales it so we had to check it out.  After a breakfast at Mcdonald's we took off up the moutain enjoying the beautiful fall colors.  We were successful in our trip and found the Dr. Browns.  After some playtime at the park we headed home.  We have done some house work and just relaxed. 

Life keeps coming at you no matter how hard it hurts you have to keep fighting.  For the most part Matthew has done well after his surgery.  However last Thursday that changed.  He started having some severe pain and other complications.  After calling for days to talk to his surgeon I finally talked to him this week. (it is great having one of the best surgeons but that also means he is VERY busy)  I wish I could say he put all my fears to rest but he didn't, he just said he hopes it resolves before our appointment this Wednesday, and if not then he will set up a plan.  Not what I hoped for.  We head to Atlanta this week so it's just  a waiting game till then.

I have never seen my family so effected by things that have happened so far away, but this past week changed that.  We all sat in shock as Hurricane Sandy hit the Northeast this week.  As I watched the aftermath I couldn't help but think of all the people we met on our trip this past summer.  The families that were so nice to us and the workers in the stores who were so happy when we visited there.  I kept seeing how horrible the destruction was and it broke my heart.  Since we have come home from our trip it is a running joke with many about we all want to move there.  I have to say that this week just made that joke a little more serious to me.  My heart breaks for those effected by the storm and I can't wait to get back up there and see how they have stayed strong and rebuilt.  Who knows maybe one day  it will be my home.  If Cheredith really wants to go to NYU then we will have to move there so we can afford her tuition. 

So in conclusion, life isn't fair, we have been through so much in the past few weeks it almost seems unbelievable. I will spare you all the crazy details, but I have learned that God is there with me no matter were I go.  Everyday this week I was faced with an extreme challenge and everyday a friend would send me a bible verse to memorize that I truly needed to hear without her knowing what was going on. So no matter if Matthew gets a bad report, no matter what people say or were I end up (NYC ) I know God is already paving my way.

Day 2,

Again thanks everyone for all your support.  We are hanging in there and Matthew is a fighter.  All day yesterday Matthew would wake up and ask if it was Tuesday yet.  Even though it was at 4am we were happy to finally tell him it was Tuesday.  We all decided yesterday was one of the longest days ever.  I don't think Patrick and I slept very much.  Hospital sleeping defiantly has the patient in mind not the visitors, but we made it through.  After liquids for breakfast they let him have solid food for lunch.

Matthew is in a lot of pain anytime he gets out of bed.  Patrick left a little after noon to come home for Cheredith's football game. That was hard on us all.  I can't believe how he must feel.  He is an amazing dad and husband and my best friend.  I am still amazed at all the text and calls we continue to receive.  Also Matthew had a nice surprise waiting on him when he woke up from a mid day nap.  A friend from work and her mom had sent him a balloon bouquet.  He loved it.

His pain has been pretty intense today but it is getting shorter in length and he is up walking. He is mainly soar at the incision site and the stomach area is soar.  He didn't eat much for lunch but did eat good for super.  We have amazing nurses and I couldn't be happy with how they have treated us.

The doctor should come by in the morning and I have a lot of good news for him.  With Matthew eating good, walking and being able to go "potty" I am hoping we will go home soon.  That would be great.  I am so pleased with how good he is doing.

Hospital Update Day 1

First of all I want to thank everyone for thier thoughts, prayers,phone calls and text messages today.  It has been so humbling to see so many people have cared enough to check on us.  We are so blessed to have so many amazing people in our lives. 

Our day started early at 4:30 in the morning.  We had to check in at 7 in Atlanta.  Matthew slept the entire trip.  He woke up as I carried him into the hospital.  They were so good to him in the surgery area.  After meeting almost everyone that would have anything to do with his surgery they took him back to get him ready around 10am.  Since they said the surgery would take around 3 hours we decided to eat, however the food court closed at 10 and didn't open until 11.  So Patrick and I sat and waited on them to reopen for lunch.  I'm not sure if I was hungry or wanted to get back up to the waiting room but as soon as the doors opened I was in.  The food was really good, and I stuffed mine down and hurried back up to the waiting room.  As soon as I got up there they informed me that I had missed a call from the O.R. of course my heart stopped and wanted to know what was going on.  They called me right and they just wanted to let me know that they had started the surgery.  There were a few other heart stopping phone calls but it was all just to tell me he was doing fine.  I guess I wasn't use to having such a long wait for them to be finished. 

Once the doctor finished he came to meet with us and explain what all they did.  They had to remove about 6-8inches of his sigmoid Colon.  He explained that it doesn't sound like much but that Matthew is a small boy and that was a large amount to take out.  He feels like this will fix Matthew's problems.  Matthew will have to get use to his stomach acting different, but over time it will react more like normal.  He should be getting back to normal in a few weeks but it will take about 6 months for a full recovery.  After all these years it will be worth it.

Matthew is having a rough time in his room. He is in pain in his stomach.  He has 3 cuts where they went in. He had some major work inside his stomach today so I am just glad he is awake some and talking.  He has slept most of the day.  The nurses are wonderful and he has only thrown up once and is drinking pretty good.  Hopefully tomorrow evening he can have some solid food.

I will continue to keep you all updated as he progresses.  We all agree that this has been one of the longest days ever. 

I don't know where to even begin, this past week has been CRAZY!!!!!  I guess that was a good summery of how I have felt.  This time tomorrow Patrick and I will be in Atlanta getting Matthew ready for surgery.  I can't believe it is finally here.  I am relieved and nervous, but so happy to have finally found hope for Matthew.  I still have packing to do.  I can handle vacation packing but I am lost when it comes to hospital packing.  Who knows what all will make it to Emory with me.

I have been so proud of Cheredith this week.  I can't imagine how she is feeling.  She is an amazing child and is such a great big sister.  I know that she will be be fine but I know its hard on her.  We are always together and her and I have never been apart for this long.  Patrick will be back with her Tuesday and she is staying with great friends.  I know she will be happy to have Matthew better. 

Now an update on our crazy week.  Matthew went to the dentist and did great.  He had tooth filled and one pulled.  This was his first time he had numbing medicine in his cheek.  He didn't bite his inside of his cheek, but he rubbed the outside of his cheek raw.  That's Matthew for you, keeping it interesting.

Cheredith cheered to games Thursday.  All I can  say is that it exhausted me and I was sitting on the stands.  She did great and she is really loving cheer.  CVMS has some great Cheerleaders.

Thanks to some great people Matthew had an amazing Friday night.  A friend at work made Ridgelands football coach aware of Matthew's surgery.  Coach Mariakis had the football team sign a shirt for Matthew.  After one of the football players delivered the signed shirt I thought it couldn't get better.  I was so excited, but thanks to Coach Mariakis it got much better.  He offered to let Matthew come into the locker room with the team Friday night.  I couldn't wait to tell Matthew.  I was so proud as we waited by the locker room Friday night.  As the players came off the field they stopped and talked to Matthew.  One even raised his helmet and took Matthews hand and lead him to the locker room.  Patrick went in with them and filled me in.  Matthew was treated like a star and it was great.  He had an amazing night.

Saturday we headed to Matthew's last football game for this year.  He must have been paying good attention at the football game Friday night.  He played an incredibly.  He had three touch downs and some amazing tackles.  He sure showed how much fun he had. He posed after tackles and even "Tebowed" after one touchdown.  It was great seeing him enjoy himself.

We headed to Chattanooga to enjoy a day downtown with an event at Patrick's work.  We went to the aquarium, imax and Riverboat.  It was so much fun and I am so glad to my mom came.  The kids had so much fun.  It was a great way to pass the day.

Now here we are the last day home before surgery.  I am about to start getting ready for church and then finish up on last minute things.  I want to thank all the people who have prayed and have listened to God and been a blessing to us this week.  Thank you all.  I know that all is going to ok.  It is a trying time for us even without Matthew"s condition but I have been encouraged by God's people lifting us up. 

We have to be at Emory at 7 Monday morning.  I'm not sure how long the surgery will be but I will keep everyone posted.  Thank you all .