Seriously?!?!

Matthew often walks around and when something frustrates him or cacthes him off gruad he always responds "seriously?!?!".. I love when he does that.  It usually means he is having a good day and nothing is really phasing him.  He is just like so many other 6 year old boys.  He loves sports, video games and anything outside.  But at the same time Matthew isn't like all the other boys, he is autistic. 

I remember when he was first diagnosed about a year ago.  I heard it all," there's no way he is autistic", " your making to big off a deal of this" and "are you sure".  I shed many tears then and there are still days when I cry.  I guess you could say we are lucky, Matthew is considered to be high functioning.  Its not a medical term, I think they just use it help explain that his problems with Autism are better hidden then others.  He is so smart. He is so loving.  He laughs.  He smiles and he even has friends.  As a mom I thank God for those friends.  But Matthew doesn't look me in the eye, he has given me a kiss only twice in the last year or more.  True hugs are few and rare, I cherish every embrace.  It's a painful feeling when your son pulls away from hugs and affection.  He doesn't go out when it storms and he needs to be home by a certain time. He has left college basketball games because it was past 8.  Some days he picks spots on him until he bleeds. Those are just a few of the ways autism affects him.  He changes daily, some days are good and some are bad.  When something triggers him to have a melt down not much can stop them. 

I share all this because I see Matthew and think what an amazing child.  Such an amazing memory, he loves life and is so smart and happy.  But I also see how the world views those with disabilities.  I remember when both my kids were toddlers thinking how lucky I was that my child didn't have autism.  I didn't have a child with special needs.  I dodged the bullet.  I was so wrong.  The signs were all there.  I just didn't know. I see the looks kids with autism get.  I've seen it from kids and adults alike.  Just remember that when you see a kid or adult rocking from side to side, or they refuse to look you in the eye.  They aren't stupid or spoiled.  They are just trying to make it in a world that doesn't fit them well.  The CDC announced today that 1 out of 88 children are on the autism' spectrum.  Boys have a 1 and 54 chance of being diagnosed.  I challenge all who read this to research autism and educate yourself.  Chances are at some point your life will be affected by autism.They just want to be loved just like us.  They need to know that different is OK.

Birthday Wishes

As my birthday appoarches I am reminded of how when you are young you blow out the candles on your cake and make a wish.  Looking back its fun to recall how those wishes change.  Some birthdays bring mixed emotions, like the first one after my grandpa died.  I cried and looked like a spoil brat.  I made by mom take me to Hills (does anyone else remember that place) and buy me a stuffed turtle.  This was the first celebration that I hadn't gotten exactly what I ask for.  My grandpa would go and pick out the exact present I wanted down to the eye color.  In my defense on that day all I got was underwear and money.  Kinda boring for a 9 year old.  Truth was I missed my grandpa and the man who would search the world just to bring a smile to my face. Then there was the time I made everyone go home early from my party.  Not sure why I did that.  Can you imagine what my mom thought when someone told her that I was going to all the quest and telling them "it's 2 oclock time to go home"  (and I wounder where Matthew gets his obsession with time) they had just gotten there.  Sorry mom.  Not really sure how to justify that one.

Of course who doesn't remember turning 16 and getting there driving license.  What a day.  Of course dad let me stay out of school and took me to the exam.  I passed and dad let me drive my little red mustang to school. Of course he followed me to the school then as I turned into Ridgelands parking lot dad let go and kept driving.  He had spent years preparing me and it was time to let me go.  What a wonderful day, so glad to have that memory. 

As we grow our wishes change, they go from baby dolls to cars and so much more.  I  like to think about what I would wish for this Birthday.  I've thought alot about this lately.  Funny , not one thing can be bought.  I just want to be a better wife and mother.  I want to know how to help Matthew life in a world that he doesn't always fit into.  To be able to teach Cheredith how to be a wonderful young woman,  and I want to be everything Patrick needs. 

I lived a wonderful long life.  Trust me I'm not planning on going anywhere anytime soon.  I have been blessed with amazing friends and family.  Priceless moments and countless memories.  I come a long way from the child who cried for a stuffed turtle to a woman who cries out to God for strength, knowledge and forgiveness.  Birthday wishes change just like we do.  I am blessed from God.  I know that I can face anything with God,